Jokes and Doctors

There are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of jokes about the medical profession. Here are two of them.

I

A businessman, who always tried to pay as little as possible for what he needed, felt ill one day. He decided to go to a doctor and asked a friend to recommend one.

“Dr. Smith has a good reputation,” the friend told them.

“Is he expensive?” the businessman asked.

“Yes and no. He charges five hundred dollars for the first visit, but only twenty-five dollars for each visit after that.”

“That seems reasonable,” the businessman said, and went to visit Dr. Smith. As he walked into the consulting room, he said, “Well, here I am again, doctor,” and put twenty-five dollars on the table.

The doctor looked at him carefully for a moment, then smiled and put the money into the drawer of his desk. “Thanks you,” he said, “and what can I do for you today?”

“Examine me, of course,” the businessman said, “and tell me what’s wrong with me.”

“Oh, there’s no need for me to examine you again,” the doctor said. “Just continue taking the medicine I prescribed for you when you came to see me last time.”

II

Another doctor had a son who qualified as a doctor himself, and then joined his father in partnership. Shortly afterwards, his father decided to have a holiday, and he left his son to look after all his patients. When he returned from the holiday, he asked his son if anything had happened.

“Well, yes, Dad,” the son said, feeling very proud of himself. “You remember Mrs. Jones, the lady whose back pains you’ve been treating for twenty years. Well, I’ve cured them.”

“I see,” replied his father, not very pleased. “Mrs. Janes’s back pains paid for your university fees. I was hoping they’d pay for your new car as well”

Vocabulary:

l   joke[gYch](n.)玩笑,戲謔;無需認真對待的事情;輕鬆的事;容易的事

l   medical[tmUgahx](a.)醫學的;醫術的;醫療的;內科的

l   profession[dqQtiUXQn](n.)職業

l   recommend[recommended-recommended-recommending][uqUhQtmUng](v.)推薦,介紹

l   reputation[uqUdsQtfTXQn](n.)名譽,名聲;好名聲,聲望;信譽

l   charge[charged-charged-charging][fXFqgY](v.)索價;收費

l   consulting room診察室

l   consult[hQntkSpf](vt.)找(醫生)看病;請教

l   prescribe[dqatkhqAae](v.)開(藥方),為...開(藥方);囑咐

l   qualify[qualified-qualified-qualifying][thrFpQuiAa](v.)取得資格;具備合格條件

l   partnership[tdFqfnRuXad](n.)合夥(或合作)關係;合資公司,合夥公司

l   shortly afterwards不久之後

l   patient[tdTXQnf](n.)病人(a.)有耐心的,能忍受的,能容忍的

l   proud[dqANg](a.)自豪的,得意的;驕傲的,有自尊心的

l   treat[treated-treated-treating][fq`f](vt.)醫療,治療

l   cure[cured-cured-curing][hsNq](v.n.)治癒；治療

l   pain[dTn](n.)(身體特定部位的)疼痛;痛;痛苦

l   pay for為了得到...而付錢;因...而受到懲罰; 為...付出代價

l   as well一般用於句尾, 相當於 too; 也;同樣地;還不如

Bike for a Better City

Some people think they have an answer to the problems of automobile crowding and pollution in large cities. Their answer is the bicycle, or “bike”.

In many cities, hundreds of people ride bicycles to work every day. In New York City, some bike riders have even formed a group called Bike for a Better City. They claim that if more people rode bicycles to work there would be fewer automobiles in the downtown section of the city and therefore less dirty air from car engines.

For several years this group has been trying to get the city government to help bicycle riders. For example, they want the city to paint special lanes – for bicycles only – on some of the main streets, because when bicycle riders must use the same lanes as cars, there may be accidents. Bike for a Better City feels that if there were special lanes, more people would use bikes.

But no bicycle lanes have been painted yet. Not everyone thinks they are a good idea. Taxi drivers don’t like the idea – they say it will slow traffic. Some store owners on the main streets don’t like the idea – they say that if there is less traffic, they will have less business. And most people live too far from downtown to travel by bike.

The city government has not yet decided what to do. It wants to keep everyone happy. One weekends, Central Park – the largest open space in New York – is closed to cars and the roads may be used by bicycles only. But Bike for a Better City says that this is not enough and keeps fighting to get bicycle lanes downtown. Until that happens, the safest place to bicycle may be in the park.

Vocabulary:

automobile[tOfQmQueap](a.)汽車

crowd[crowded-crowded-crowding][hqANg](v.)擠,擁擠

form[formed-formed-forming][iOqm](v.)組織;成立

claim[claimed-claimed-claiming][hpTm](v.)自稱,聲稱;主張;要求;認領;索取

lane[pTn](n.)車道,線道;跑道;泳道;小路;巷,弄

accident[t@hkQgQnf](n.)事故;災禍;意外災難

central[tkUnfqQp](a.)中心的,中央的;主要的,核心的;重要的

open space空地

keep fighting抗爭

Lost and Found

When I was walking down the street the other day, I happened to notice a small brown leather wallet lying on the sidewalk. I picked it up and opened it to see if I could find out the owner’s name. There was nothing inside it expect some change and an old photograph – a picture of a woman and a young girl about twelve years old, who looked like the woman’s daughter. I put the photograph back and took the wallet to the police station, where I handed it to the desk sergeant. Before I left, the sergeant took down my name and address in case the owner might want to write and thank me.

That evening I went to have dinner with my aunt and uncle. They had also invited a young woman so that there would be four people at the table. Her face was familiar. I was quite sure that we had not met before, but I could not remember where I had seen her. In the course of conversation, however, the young woman happened to mention that she had lost her wallet that afternoon. All at once I realized where I had seen her. She was the young girl in the photograph, although she was now much older, She was very surprised, of course, when I was able to describe her wallet to her. Then I explained that I had recognized her from the photograph I had found in the wallet. My uncle insisted on going to the police station immediately to claim the wallet. As the police sergeant handed it over, he said that it was an amazing coincidence that I had not only found the wallet, but also the person who had lost it.

  

Vocabulary:

l   happen[to@dQn](vi.)碰巧[+to-v]

l   brown[eqANn](a.)褐色的,棕色的

l   leather[tpU\R](a.)皮的;皮革製的

l   wallet[trFpaf](n.)皮夾子,錢包

l   lie[pAa][lay-lain-lying](vi.)呈...狀態,置於; 躺,臥;被平放

l   sidewalk[tkAagurOh](n.)人行道

l   expect[expected-expected-expecting][ahtkdUhf](v.)期待;等待;盼望

l   sergeant[tkFqgYQnf](n.)警官

l   take down寫下;記下

l   in case假如, 以防萬一

l   so that為了如此...以至於;以便

l   familiar[iQtmapsR](a.)世所周知的; 熟悉的; 常見的; 普通的

l   course[hcqk](n.)過程;進程

l   mention[mentioned-mentioned-mentioning][tmUnXQn](vt.n.)提到,說起

l   all at once突然

l   insist[insisted-insisted-insisting][antkakf](v.)堅持;堅決認為

l   claim[claimed-claimed-claiming][hpTm](v.)認領

l   hand over交出

l   amazing[QtmTlaV](a.)驚人的,令人吃驚的

l   coincidence[hctankagQnk](n.)巧合;巧事;同時發生

l   not only … but also不僅...而且也

Speaking?

The photograph was in my mother’s bedroom. It showed a soldier with a gun. Below the photo there was the word “Speaking?”

“Who’s that soldier called ‘Speaking’?” I asked one day.

My mother laughed. “It wasn’t his name,” she said. “His name was Harold. He was my brother, my only brother. Harold was eighteen when the war began. I was twelve then, and my sisters were ten and nine. Harold liked to play with us --”

“Did you quarrel sometimes?” I asked.

“We often quarreled. That’s where the word ‘Speaking’ come from. When we quarreled, we said: ‘I’m not speaking to you.’ But after the quarrel we were all happy again; and then we said: ‘I’m speaking now. Are you speaking to me?’”

“When the war began, Harold became a soldier. A month later he came to see us. He brought that gun to show us. Then he went miles away to the war. We didn’t see him for three years – three long, empty years.” He didn’t often write letters. But one day in May there was a loud bang on the front door…

“I ran to open it. It was Harold! He was an older Harold; a thinner Harold too. He was a man. He looked at me with his two green eyes, and he smiled. That smile was just the same as before. Then he said one word: Speaking?’”

“I didn’t – I couldn’t -- answer”. I just fell into his arms, and he dropped his gun. He stayed with us for a month. We played all our old games again. Then he went back to the war.

“We never saw him again. A letter came. Harold was dead. I wrote the word on the photograph.”

Vocabulary:

l   quarrel[thrOqQp][quarreled,quarrelled-quarreled,quarrelled-quarreling,quarrelling](vi.)爭吵,不和

l   loud[pANg](ad.) 大聲地,響亮地(a.)大聲的,響亮的

l   bang[e@V](v.)砰地敲;砰砰作響

Bus Services

---- A letter to the Editor

I have to travel every day from Geary Road to the Airport. Two buses travel along this route: the number 49 and number 16. However, by the time the number 16 bus reaches Geary Road it is always full, so it is of no use to me. This leaves the number 49, which sometimes has empty seats on it.

The timetable states that there are buses from Geary Road to the Airport every ten minutes. If this is so, why do I have to wait half an hour for bus nearly every day?

The regulations state that if there are empty seats on a bus, the bus must stop at every stop where people are waiting. Why is it, therefore, that half-empty buses go straight past me when I am standing at the bus stop?

The regulations state that no bus may carry more than 40 seated passengers and 20 standing passengers. Yesterday I was the first to get off the bus when it reached the Airport. I counted the other passengers as they got off. There were 129 of them.

Clearly printed on the back of every bus is a sign that says “Maximum speed: 50 m.p.h.” The distance from Geary Road to Oakland is 10 m. On Saturday morning a 49 bus travelled this distance in 10 minutes, at an average speed of m.p.h. At times it must have done at least 80 or even 90 m.p.h.

It is obvious that our bus companies have no respect for the regulations nor consideration for their passengers. Can nothing be done about this?

Yours,

Weary traveller

Vocabulary:

l  route[qbf](n.)路;路線;路程;航線

l  leaf[p`i][eafed-leafed-leafing](v.)匆匆翻閱

l  regulation[uqUvsQtpTXQn](n.)規章;規則,規定;條例(a.)標準的;正規的,正式的

l  obvious[tFejaQk](a.)明顯的;顯著的

l  respect[qatkdUhf](n.)敬重,尊敬

l  consideration[hQnkagQtqTXQn](n.)考慮; 需要考慮的事;動機,原因;重要;尊敬

l  m.p.h=miles per hour

l  weary[traqa](a.)疲倦的,疲勞的;厭倦的,厭煩的